Vontamgen is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, prudent grasshopper.

Vontamgen created snails five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vontamgen, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Vontamgen, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Vontamgen's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Vontamgen's Holy Commandments

1. Vontamgen loves squirrels, so they must be respected.

2. Worship no other gods but Vontamgen.

3. Do not hurt mice.

4. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a room before entering it.

5. You must pray to Vontamgen five times a day.