Flancubzen is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, unthoughtful chinchilla.

Flancubzen created dark energy three million years ago.

If you believe in Flancubzen, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Flancubzen, she will turn you into a hamster.

Flancubzen's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Flancubzen's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Never eat green fruit.

3. Do not trade with those who eat oranges.

4. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Always pray immersed in water.