Kemjabton is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, moody porpoise.

Kemjabton created gold three quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kemjabton, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Kemjabton, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Kemjabton's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Kemjabton's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity near badgers while wearing fawn jumpers.

2. Never talk about solid mechanics near mites while wearing brown shoes and balancing four nickel spheres on your legs.

3. Never mention bats.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Fast once a month.