Fatkomflan is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, duplicitous penguin.

Fatkomflan created silver three thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fatkomflan, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Fatkomflan, he will turn you into a worm.

Fatkomflan's most sacred site is Phepheng in Botswana.

Fatkomflan's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt dogs.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Never think about optics near cats while wearing orange ear rings and balancing five tin spheres on your face.

5. Do not trade with those who eat melons.