Satlarnarmkim is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, almighty swan.

Satlarnarmkim created Africa three billion years ago.

If you believe in Satlarnarmkim, she will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Satlarnarmkim, she will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Satlarnarmkim's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Satlarnarmkim's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about fire.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Erect a giant tin sculpture of Satlarnarmkim in the centre of the settlement.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Satlarnarmkim loves aardvarks, so they must be honoured.