Kadmipjarn is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, capable chicken.

Kadmipjarn created an electron seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Kadmipjarn, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Kadmipjarn, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Kadmipjarn's most sacred site is Hoddom in Scotland.

Kadmipjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick dogs.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never talk about deoxyribonucleic acid.

4. Draw representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

5. Never feed pineapples to seals while wearing skirts.