Cenpomhim Jarnyogrull is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, bad-tempered raccoon.

Cenpomhim Jarnyogrull created tapeworms three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cenpomhim Jarnyogrull, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Cenpomhim Jarnyogrull, he will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Cenpomhim Jarnyogrull's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Cenpomhim Jarnyogrull's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Cenpomhim Jarnyogrull's name in vain.

2. Great tits are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Do not speak about figs.

4. Never talk about turtles.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.