Ortgudjon Jarnkapquam is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, irritating lion.

Ortgudjon Jarnkapquam created tapeworms seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ortgudjon Jarnkapquam, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Ortgudjon Jarnkapquam, she will turn you into a mole.

Ortgudjon Jarnkapquam's most sacred site is Krina in Germany.

Ortgudjon Jarnkapquam's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat peanuts.

2. Always treat frogs with great respect.

3. Never write about dwarf planets.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Draw representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place.