Jinmifnarhig is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, proud mole.

Jinmifnarhig created Asia six million years ago.

If you believe in Jinmifnarhig, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Jinmifnarhig, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Jinmifnarhig's most sacred site is Corsock in Scotland.

Jinmifnarhig's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Never talk about quantum gravity.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Pray towards the west.

5. Never write about stars.