Bengarsan Arnvabfig is a god.

He takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, vain monkey.

Bengarsan Arnvabfig created life nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bengarsan Arnvabfig, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Bengarsan Arnvabfig, he will throw large rocks at you.

Bengarsan Arnvabfig's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Bengarsan Arnvabfig's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the west.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate squirrels.

3. Never think ill of sick ducks.

4. Do not hurt snakes.

5. Do not wear zinc on your body.