Femkemyatt is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, grumpy squirrel.

Femkemyatt created vertebrates three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Femkemyatt, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Femkemyatt, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Femkemyatt's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Femkemyatt's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Femkemyatt's name in vain.

2. Do not trade with those who eat peas.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always make sure there are no whales in a room before entering it.