Talwitmum is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, unthoughtful lobster.

Talwitmum created the solar system eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Talwitmum, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Talwitmum, he will think nothing of it.

Talwitmum's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Talwitmum's Holy Commandments

1. Always wear mauve.

2. Erect three tin sculptures of Talwitmum on top of important buildings.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Always stare at clouds.