Hinvonpodgov is a god.

She takes the form of a thin, sage lobster.

Hinvonpodgov created bats seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Hinvonpodgov, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Hinvonpodgov, she will come to you in dreams.

Hinvonpodgov's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Hinvonpodgov's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about stars.

2. Never talk about optics near monkeys while wearing gray hats and balancing six copper spheres on your back.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Hinvonpodgov loves tapirs, so they must be respected.

5. Always help sick dogs.