Bamlagfoss is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, uncaring scorpion.

Bamlagfoss created an up quark six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bamlagfoss, it will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Bamlagfoss, it will say rude things about you at parties.

Bamlagfoss' most sacred site is Hej in Sweden.

Bamlagfoss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not covet oxen.

2. Always make sure there are no grasshopers in a room before entering it.

3. Put Bamlagfoss first in all things.

4. Never feed lots of cherries to sharks while wearing white corsets.

5. Learn six new languages a year.