Xuckquimsan is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, slow aardvark.

Xuckquimsan created water nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xuckquimsan, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Xuckquimsan, he will be mildly annoyed.

Xuckquimsan's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Xuckquimsan's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Run away if six squirrels approach from the north.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Porpoises are not to be trusted.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate seals.