Labvolfid is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, conceited guinea pig.

Labvolfid created the solar system five billion years ago.

If you believe in Labvolfid, it will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Labvolfid, it will turn you into a blue tit.

Labvolfid's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Labvolfid's Holy Commandments

1. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

2. Do not eat spinach.

3. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

4. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Labvolfid in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not wear turquoise clothing.