Labfudcuss is a god.

He takes the form of a small, passionate seal.

Labfudcuss created silver five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Labfudcuss, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Labfudcuss, he will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Labfudcuss' most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Labfudcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about special relativity near voles while wearing violet dresses and balancing three silver spheres on your neck.

2. Put Labfudcuss first in all things.

3. Never paint your chest magenta.

4. You must pray to Labfudcuss four times a day.

5. Always wear black.