Hakzakhintoftunvadwot is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, selfish seal.

Hakzakhintoftunvadwot created tapeworms two years ago.

If you believe in Hakzakhintoftunvadwot, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Hakzakhintoftunvadwot, he will turn you into a puffin.

Hakzakhintoftunvadwot's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Hakzakhintoftunvadwot's Holy Commandments

1. Do not shave your feet.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Do not jump in public.

4. Never think ill of sick cats.

5. Never play with disobedient children.