Mum is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, strong clam.

Mum created the Small Magellanic Cloud four billion years ago.

If you believe in Mum, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Mum, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Mum's most sacred site is Esse in Finland.

Mum's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. You must pray to Mum six times a day.

4. Grasshopers are not to be trusted.

5. Never write about the strong nuclear force.