Tonkjopbumbemvegcum is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, thoughtless raccoon.

Tonkjopbumbemvegcum created light two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tonkjopbumbemvegcum, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Tonkjopbumbemvegcum, he will destroy your favourite star.

Tonkjopbumbemvegcum's most sacred site is Chettipet in India.

Tonkjopbumbemvegcum's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of lead.

4. Never mention manatees.

5. Do not chop down trees.