Fedlamzen is a god.

It takes the form of a very long, unselfish raccoon.

Fedlamzen created parasitic wasps eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Fedlamzen, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Fedlamzen, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Fedlamzen's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Fedlamzen's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. You must never eat melons.

3. Walk at least seven thousand metres per day.

4. Never talk about grasshopers.

5. Never talk about optics.