Xinlitbit is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, caring hippopotamus.

Xinlitbit created a top quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Xinlitbit, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Xinlitbit, it will torture you forever.

Xinlitbit's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Xinlitbit's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Xinlitbit.

2. Never think about ultrasonics near swans while wearing blue boots and balancing six iron spheres on your head.

3. Xinlitbit loves monkeys, so they must be honoured.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.