Funmindib Jondamjamciss Tarrutster is a god.

He takes the form of a small, selfish shrew.

Funmindib Jondamjamciss Tarrutster created a top quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Funmindib Jondamjamciss Tarrutster, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Funmindib Jondamjamciss Tarrutster, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Funmindib Jondamjamciss Tarrutster's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Funmindib Jondamjamciss Tarrutster's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant brown sculpture of Funmindib Jondamjamciss Tarrutster in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never wear stockings.

3. Do not eat beans.

4. Hide from turquoise tapirs for they are unholy.

5. Funmindib Jondamjamciss Tarrutster loves sheep, so they must be honoured.