Fitneltom is a god.

It takes the form of a three hundred metre long, overgenerous wolf.

Fitneltom created silver four years ago.

If you believe in Fitneltom, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Fitneltom, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Fitneltom's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Fitneltom's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Fitneltom.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate great tits.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Never feed oranges to geese while wearing red kilts.

5. Always look after injured whales.