Cudsand is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, omniscient tapir.

Cudsand created a top quark six billion years ago.

If you believe in Cudsand, it will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Cudsand, it will turn you into a hamster.

Cudsand's most sacred site is Taktser in China.

Cudsand's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Retreat if eight doves approach from the north.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never feed limes to snakes while wearing turquoise trousers.

5. Never talk about dark energy near cats while wearing white coats.