Tigvilbed is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, intelligent camel.

Tigvilbed created Africa four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tigvilbed, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Tigvilbed, he will cry a lot.

Tigvilbed's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Tigvilbed's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Learn seven new languages a year.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Always look after injured monkeys.

5. Always pray in complete darkness.