Pomtapjap is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, selfish cow.

Pomtapjap created a down quark three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pomtapjap, he will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Pomtapjap, he will turn you into a sheep.

Pomtapjap's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Pomtapjap's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Pomtapjap.

3. Hide if four tortoises approach from the north.

4. Never think about thermodynamics near snails while wearing pink jumpers and balancing three silicon spheres on your face.

5. Never eat bark.