Lakdotzak is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, all-powerful squirrel.

Lakdotzak created Mount Everest two billion years ago.

If you believe in Lakdotzak, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Lakdotzak, he will attempt to scare you with hail.

Lakdotzak's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Lakdotzak's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat garlic.

2. Walk at least eight thousand metres per day.

3. You must love Lakdotzak.

4. Never think about thermodynamics near grasshopers while wearing fawn kilts and balancing six platinum spheres on your hands.

5. Erect seven silver sculptures of Lakdotzak on top of important buildings.