Futbasscemmum is a god.

He takes the form of a plump, generous penguin.

Futbasscemmum created matter five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Futbasscemmum, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Futbasscemmum, he will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Futbasscemmum's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Futbasscemmum's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt frogs.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never think ill of sick mites.

5. Do not eat gooseberries.