Jonyarpark is a god.

She takes the form of a heavy, merciful centipede.

Jonyarpark created an up quark two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jonyarpark, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Jonyarpark, she will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Jonyarpark's most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Jonyarpark's Holy Commandments

1. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never play with disobedient children.

4. Learn eight new languages a year.

5. Jonyarpark must be the most important thing in your life.