Pakbopflig is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, calm narwhal.

Pakbopflig created bats eight million years ago.

If you believe in Pakbopflig, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Pakbopflig, he will turn you into a sheep.

Pakbopflig's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Pakbopflig's Holy Commandments

1. Never look in ponds.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

5. Always wear indigo.