Fumshavjap is a god.

She takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, omniscient salamander.

Fumshavjap created humankind two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumshavjap, she will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Fumshavjap, she will laugh at you.

Fumshavjap's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Fumshavjap's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never look in ponds.

3. Fumshavjap loves manatees, so they must be respected.

4. Never chant in the presence of otters.

5. Never think about spacetime.