Gumkantar is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, witty swan.

Gumkantar created vertebrates three billion years ago.

If you believe in Gumkantar, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Gumkantar, she will curse you and those you beget for seventy quadrillion years.

Gumkantar's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Gumkantar's Holy Commandments

1. Always stare at clouds.

2. Do not wear titanium on your body.

3. Never talk about cats.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Always take life seriously.