Lapcubgig is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, happy hummingbird.

Lapcubgig created the universe five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Lapcubgig, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Lapcubgig, she will turn you into a dog.

Lapcubgig's most sacred site is Ringsted in Denmark.

Lapcubgig's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sheep.

2. Never feed peas to snakes while wearing rings.

3. Never talk about dark matter near moths while wearing blue boots and balancing nine copper spheres on your arms.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Hide from magenta goats for they are unholy.