Talmilsakgem is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, cheerful tapir.

Talmilsakgem created the Black Eye Galaxy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Talmilsakgem, it will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Talmilsakgem, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Talmilsakgem's most sacred site is Sanabo in Egypt.

Talmilsakgem's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention dolphins.

2. Hide from blue shrews for they are unholy.

3. Do not take Talmilsakgem's name in vain.

4. You must pray to Talmilsakgem eight times a day.

5. Never think about enzymes.