Gofwipquat is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, competent dog.

Gofwipquat created the planet Saturn three million years ago.

If you believe in Gofwipquat, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gofwipquat, she will torture you forever.

Gofwipquat's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Gofwipquat's Holy Commandments

1. Gofwipquat loves frogs, so they must be honoured.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Look mercifully on unfortunate swans.

4. Walk at least six thousand metres per day.

5. Run away from white hamsters, for they are unholy.