Padfiggum is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely thin, benevolent hamster.

Padfiggum created viruses four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Padfiggum, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Padfiggum, he will turn you into a snail.

Padfiggum's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Padfiggum's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention snails.

2. Run away if eight birds approach from the west.

3. Do not commit murder.

4. Hide if seven dogs approach from the east.

5. Always look after injured frogs.