Somtarphug is a god.

He takes the form of a very thin, humorless rat.

Somtarphug created matter two million years ago.

If you believe in Somtarphug, he will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Somtarphug, he will turn you into a slug.

Somtarphug's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Somtarphug's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about thermodynamics near whales while wearing violet scarves and balancing three zinc spheres on your feet.

2. Pray towards the south.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Always help goats in need.

5. Never talk about optics near sharks while wearing cyan coats.