Bessvolkop is a god.

He takes the form of a large, competent aardvark.

Bessvolkop created a down quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Bessvolkop, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Bessvolkop, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Bessvolkop's most sacred site is Zhelaizhai in China.

Bessvolkop's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about ribonucleic acid.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Bessvolkop.

3. Do not wear cyan clothing.

4. Never eat carrots.

5. Never play with disobedient children.