Camtarpmonflab is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely thin, slow goat.

Camtarpmonflab created Europe eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Camtarpmonflab, it will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Camtarpmonflab, it will come to you in dreams.

Camtarpmonflab's most sacred site is Gulval in England.

Camtarpmonflab's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not keep eight turtles in a large pit.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Erect a giant fawn sculpture of Camtarpmonflab in the centre of the settlement.

5. Do not speak about tomatoes.