Quatbumbog is a god.

She takes the form of a nine thousand metre long, vain manatee.

Quatbumbog created a Higgs boson seven million years ago.

If you believe in Quatbumbog, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Quatbumbog, she will turn you into a goat.

Quatbumbog's most sacred site is Finnmark in Norway.

Quatbumbog's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed melons to pigs while wearing green corsets.

2. Always make a point of helping unfortunate swans.

3. Quatbumbog must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Do not speak about cherries.

5. Never pour water over plants.