Sattagquatxen Nulcaprutt is a god.

He takes the form of a small, caring shrew.

Sattagquatxen Nulcaprutt created bats six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Sattagquatxen Nulcaprutt, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Sattagquatxen Nulcaprutt, he will send two she bears to sort you out.

Sattagquatxen Nulcaprutt's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Sattagquatxen Nulcaprutt's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Always make sure there are no dogs in a building before entering it.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Put Sattagquatxen Nulcaprutt first in all things.