Pinkikjen is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, narcissistic grasshopper.

Pinkikjen created parasitic wasps eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Pinkikjen, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Pinkikjen, she will turn you into a snail.

Pinkikjen's most sacred site is Leswalt in Scotland.

Pinkikjen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not dye your hair white.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not fashion models of living things.