Vonkpaggad is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, witty cow.

Vonkpaggad created a bottom quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Vonkpaggad, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Vonkpaggad, she will manifest in front of you.

Vonkpaggad's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Vonkpaggad's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from red grasshopers, for they are unholy.

2. Worship no other gods but Vonkpaggad.

3. Capybaras are not to be trusted.

4. Feed all hungry frogs.

5. Never mention otters.