Vonarmlarn is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, duplicitous dugong.

Vonarmlarn created the Andromeda Galaxy six million years ago.

If you believe in Vonarmlarn, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Vonarmlarn, she will strike you with lightening.

Vonarmlarn's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Vonarmlarn's Holy Commandments

1. Always look after injured tortoises.

2. Never feed strawberries to snails while wearing rings.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Do not sit in public.