Omindaplappinquam is a god.

She takes the form of a very large, idiotic snake.

Omindaplappinquam created Europe two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Omindaplappinquam, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Omindaplappinquam, she will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Omindaplappinquam's most sacred site is Nakke in Denmark.

Omindaplappinquam's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant titanium sculpture of Omindaplappinquam in the centre of the settlement.

2. Never talk about dark energy near snakes while wearing yellow dresses and balancing three iron spheres on your hands.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of tin.

5. Never write about moons.