Wotgarcip is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, witless whale.

Wotgarcip created humanity three million years ago.

If you believe in Wotgarcip, it will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Wotgarcip, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Wotgarcip's most sacred site is Aguaruto in Mexico.

Wotgarcip's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear indigo trousers.

2. Never write about dwarf planets.

3. Never look at asteroids.

4. Always pray in complete darkness.

5. Never talk about spacetime near foxes while wearing mauve shirts.