Fonquatbod is a god.

She takes the form of a four hundred metre long, ruthless wren.

Fonquatbod created Asia nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fonquatbod, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Fonquatbod, she will destroy your home planet.

Fonquatbod's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Fonquatbod's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in the presence of tortoises.

2. Never wear indigo corsets.

3. Never think about thermodynamics.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.