Gutcatbet is a god.

It takes the form of a four hundred metre long, conceited fairy.

Gutcatbet created an atom two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gutcatbet, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Gutcatbet, it will hide angry, poisonous spiders in your dwelling place.

Gutcatbet's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Gutcatbet's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Gutcatbet loves great tits, so they must be honoured.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.