Nultimnilqueeg is a god.

She takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, selfish lion.

Nultimnilqueeg created an up quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Nultimnilqueeg, she will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nultimnilqueeg, she will turn you into a giant snail.

Nultimnilqueeg's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Nultimnilqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never paint your legs mauve.

5. Always wear yellow.